Yesterday was my birthday...I am 20 years old...20 years does not seem like a long time but when I think I am only 3 more of these away from 80 I think god damn...I do not feel older but I know I look older. I have begun to listen to records (vinyls)...and that must add some old points to my tally. I dont feel I know much more then when I was say 15. The world is still round..2+2 =4...girls are still confusing as all hell and I still am not sure what all of this schooling and training means. I can't picture myself in the real world yet people tell me that I am in it. I guess the only thing I have learned in the last 5 years and the only thing being a teenager taught me is that
A. You cannot control 95% of your life.
B. Don't ever be afraid to fail...worst thing you can do is not believe you are doing the right thing.
I am left with questions though as my birthday ends..as I was listening to my new Johnny Flynn album, the song Brown Trout Blues stuck out to me. "Time rolls the back wheels of my mind".."I wonder if I'm doing the best I could"....i guess we can never know we are doing the best we could. How do we judge ourselves as easily as we judge others?
I def. feel I have to get away for a little while...or at least start doing something different. I'm not one to worry about things but I have to make a change. I am going to start with a tattoo..see where it goes from there. I feel like my trip to Montana last summer started something that I never kept going on. So for my birthday I am giving myself a second chance. I hope to blog everyday for a month in an attempt to figure out what is actually going on.
Johnny Flynn and the Sussex Wit