This is just an excerpt of some stuff written last year in a 3am daze. I thought it was worth putting up just to get some of it out there because I can say that it is very real.
I am very unsure about my future. This time off has brought to light many problems that I have refused to examine in the past. With hours to think old nerves and walls appear once again. These are the things that can stop a man from really living, fear to let go of what you think is right and wrong. Fear to live outside ones comfort and outside ones mind. Once one can admit fear, accept fear, and test the fear and at least try, then they can say they have lived
When I think about what makes me roll out of bed in the morning, what keeps me moving even when i can understand why, I realize its not a personal drive. Its the people that really care about you, the ones you go to when you need to laugh, cry, or just blurt out whatever you wanna say. The people who it doesn't matter what you say to them because they will always make the conversation worth it, the ones who in one line can make your whole day, those are the ones you keep close. Everyday a thought will pass my mind and it will make me feel good about everything and that makes it easier to be alive. "Happiness is only real when shared" and its all about who you share it with. You can be without family, without money, without a job, or even without faith and friends can always keep you center. They can keep you thinking, feeling, laughing, crying, and always they can make you a better person. You feel responsible for them, you begin to care about something other then yourself, you learn to love and your learn to deal. Friends can teach you and give you the world, you just have the find the right ones.